Ho-hum...

I'm suffering from a mild case of Nothing-To-Look-Forward-To! I'm the kind of person that needs something to always look forward to in order to self-motivate myself and I just don't have anything to look forward to. Paul will be camping with the guys and climbing another mountain in August. Then he'll go to Nepal in September.  I need something for myself to look forward to. Everything in my life is revolved around other people and what they have to look forward to.

I just need something to look forward to. I do. For Kasey.

I think I'm in a rut. 

Bypassed Blessings

My day was chaotic today. In fact, when I really think about it, that could be the default opening sentence in any blog, journal or bulletin I ever write in. I am worn down. My patience well had dried up close to the very same moment I heard the alarm go off this morning. 

Near the end of dinner (and the end of my rope, for that matter), I knew we had plans to meet the president of Tiny Hands Nepal, Bishnu, who had just flown in from India. This was something that I was looking forward to very much, but my exhaustion, fatigue and frustration had taken me by the throat and suffocated the life out of me. I found myself starting to make excuses to stay home with the kids and rationalizing with the idea that I would certainly see him at one of our other planned meetings this weekend. Why did it have to be TONIGHT of all nights?

Because I didn't have the strength to come up with a decent enough excuse to skip out, I ended up brushing my hair, changing my clothes and I went to meet him. It wasn't two minutes into meeting him and hearing him talk that I was slapped in the face with my selfish ways and foolish pride. 

Bishnu is one of those people in life with whom you meet and fall instantly in love with. His joy, his passion, his love for children and for the Lord, his dedication and commitment to prayer and the obvious faith and trust in God was absolutely magnetic. He offered up a prayer at the end our meeting and all I could think to myself is what a fool I was to have even given the glimpse of a thought to not meeting with him tonight. It truly would have been a bypassed blessing!!!

She's my daughter!

Sorry Mom....

Appears that I may have passed down yet another eccentric trait to my daughter. YOUR granddaughter.

Today, for the first time, she cut her Barbie Head's hair. She did an impeccably better job than I ever did at that age.

Kudos, Taylyn. Kudos.

PS.......It also appears that the little lady thought she could test her new skills on her brother. We will either be making a visit to Uncle Nick or he'll be wearing a hat for the next 2 weeks!

Time too fast

I'm sitting on my driveway with my kids. They're not sitting. They're riding their bikes. Taylyn has just recently learned to ride her two wheel bike without the training wheels. I realize this is later than most kids learned, but she never had much of an interest. I tried to teach her a few times, but she was adamant about learning on her own. And now, here she is, riding her bike. TJ is trucking around on his three wheel bike, going as fast as he possibly can and secretly antagonizing Taylyn by passing her over and over again.


"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRAG ABOUT YOUR BIKE GOING FASTER!!!! BY THE WAY, MINE IS TWO WHEELED AND YOURS IS THREE".

I love watching my kids play. I wonder sometimes what they will remember about their childhoods and what they won't. I wonder if they'll remember about their childhoods, about growing up....about me. Some days, it feels like all I do is tell them no and correct them. I wonder if anything I'm teaching them is sinking in. I wonder if they'll ever know how many times I looked at them while they slept. I wonder if they'll ever know how much I love them.

My time with them is going by too fast.

Plan all you want....

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails". Proverbs 19:21

For those of you who may not know, Paul and I have made a significant change in our lives the last couple weeks. It's life-changing and humbling. Some have said it's stupid and question the rationale behind it. Others have been unexpectedly supportive. But the truth of the matter lies in the verse in the Bible written by King Solomon hundreds of years ago in Proverbs. The Lord's purpose prevails.

Paul was at a very secure, very high-paying job. He was at the top, with the opportunity to run a company and buy it. Though our money was somewhat being tied up due to our desire to get out of debt, we weren't struggling financially, even in the midst of the crisis in our economy. But then came this knocking; this persistent and nagging idea that maybe God wanted us somewhere else, somewhere we could be of more service to others in need. Somewhere like in the ministries of Tiny Hands International. 

This didn't just happen for one or two weeks. At times, the direction  did not seem very obvious, but there were moments when it was so clear it felt like God was practically whispering directly to our hearts. It became so clear that it was undeniable.

So, we made the decision. Yes, we wanted to do this. Yes, we HAD to do this. God was calling. 

Really, God? You want us to cut our salary in HALF to get this done?

DO YOU LOVE ME?

I don't know, God. The economy is bad, gas prices are high.....ONE income. Are you sure?

DO YOU LOVE ME?

Of course, I love you, Lord. But I can love you just as much by writing a check each month to the cause, can't I? 

FEED MY SHEEP.

With a series of unexpected events, twists and turns in the decision and planning making process, we were called to start in the ministry much sooner than we had anticipated. When we began to question the move, we pulled onto the street towards our church on a cool Sunday morning, and on the board outside another church, God reminded us in big bold letters "Wait faithfully".  And so we wait faithfully, resting in the peace and knowledge that God IS faithful, and it is always, always, always HIS purpose that prevails.

My crazy family

It's the most wonderful time of the year. No, it's not Christmas, but the cheerful chaos surrounding it sometimes feels like it is.

It's one of my favorite times of the year (not to be confused with March Madness or the entire month of September).

We are family. Get up everybody and sing!!!

Every year around the 4th of July, my sister and her family make the trek from San Antonio to Lincoln and our families get together for the week. There are a few silly traditions we maintain each year. For one, we are a very competitive family. Naturally, since I am the best at everything we do, everyone sets out to try to beat me, which year to year is nearly impossible to do. Hmmm. Who just won the ping pong tournament tonight? Oh yeah...me. I wasn't keeping score, but I beat my mom 21 to 6. I was having an off night.

We have a 4-Square Match which my brother-in-law, Kendal, typically dominates. I'm pretty sure he makes up rules as he goes. I must say, I've never seen anyone move so low to the ground as he does during the game. Pretty sure he is secretly sore the next day. Then we have the traditional "Nebraska" food they don't serve in Texas...Runza's, Valentino's Pizza, and let's not forget my Mother's famous lasagna, usually topped with strand or two of her shedding hair. Finding Mom's hair has now even become part of a competitive challenge for us all..."Who's gonna find Mom's hair this year?" Sounds like a new idea for a reality TV show.

There's sleep-overs, pool parties, tennis and board games. The boys try harder and harder to take down Uncle Nick who, regardless of their size, continues to take them down with the flick of his wrist. My repressed memories usually resurface as we reminisce about growing up and I'm reminded of my sister popping off my Barbie's heads just to antagonize me as a child. I'm sure Siggy Freud would have a hay day with that one! Baby Steps to the elevator....

I love my crazy family. I love hanging out with my family. We laugh at people getting hurt. In fact, we encourage it. We set people up for it. We make fun of each other. We laugh at awkward moments and we make sure those awkward moments don't go unnoticed.

There may not be a red-nosed reindeer or snow or tales of a talking snowman or jolly old man delivering presents around the world, but having my sister and her family in town for the 4th of July truly is the most wonderful time of the year!!!

Unbelievable. No...really.  I am spending yet another night listening to the air conditioner trip on and off, a shaky light on the ceiling fan above, and my tired husband, snoring blissfully into the night. Caffeine is not to blame today. As far as I can remember, I had little to none today anyway. 

In the recent weeks, I have found myself getting an increasing lack of sleep. Make sense? Be it stress, anxiety, espresso in the veins or merely just the fact that silence and Kasey-time doesn't come until everyone is dreaming, I have been on a no-sleep rampage lately that I don't think is going away anytime soon. Tonight, I have browsed the internet looking at photography tips, the history of Hindu and Buddhism in India, and I've found a few silly little YouTube movies. I've checked my email, edited and organized several of my own photos, cured a self-inflicted bloody nose (shoved my finger up there a little too far), and attempted to massage the aches of my feet with the balls of my feet.  I've prayed, I've meditated on Scripture, I've written, I've read through some of my favorite inspirational quotes, I've even tried a glass of milk. Yet here I am. 

Unbelievable.

Today in church, Pastor Schnake talked about the importance of not finding "rest" or peace in people, events or things. It was a good reminder to me to look into my own heart and life. The more I do so, the more I realize the level of hypocrisy I daily allow myself to reach. I am a walking contradiction of beliefs, views, actions, opinions, facts and so much more. I want to trust God with my life. I want to trust Him to provide where provision seems impossible. I want to believe in His purpose for my life when my direction seems ambiguous. I want to surrender in obedience to Him when my will and my way seem so much more logical and entertaining. 

I think some of my sleep deprivation is due to the anxiety I have been feeling because of my inability to rest in the Lord. I always tend to think I can do things on my own, or that I am strong enough to neglect my nagging resentments with the belief that it will just go away and I'll be fine. I coerce myself mentally into believing that merely thinking about something on a consistent basis constitutes prayer. Ha...how wrong I've been! 

Tomorrow, I resolve to practice the art of laying aside my burdens and walking day by day in the shadow of the wings of the Almighty God; to be held by Him and in His love, and to remember that nothing in this world...no distraction, no passion, no inconvenience, no test...is ever strong enough to pull me from His love. Nothing.

I've yawned a few times since the beginning of this blog entry. I take that as a good sign and maybe my cue to try a little harder to come up with a snore of my own.  This time, without the bloody nose.