Sometimes it's hard to understand

Every now and again, there are times when something happens during the day and you are absolutely forced to stop in your tracks and just...well, stop. I had one of those moments today.

There has been a man in church that I have always admired. I see him almost every Sunday in church with his two kids, junior high age. There are times when I watch him more than I listen to the sermon. I do this for no other reason than admiration. It really is that simple.

I don't know his full story, and to be honest, I ALWAYS struggle with what his name even is. But I do know that he is a single father who has raised these children after his wife died of cancer. My admiration for him comes from his parenting, yes, but also just for his evident joy and dependence on the Lord for strength.

Today, I am sure he is summoning the Lord to give him a little bit more strength than normal. I found out today that he has pancreatic cancer. And it's bad. The kind of bad that doesn't look promising. When given this information to pray about, it was accompanied by these words: "Pray for either a miracle or that he will be given wisdom to know what to do with his kids."

My day stopped and my heart sank and I was absolutely overwhelmed with questions. Why would God put something like this on someone like that who has already gone through so much? Sometimes these things just don't make sense. They don't seem fair. They don't seem right.

As I tried to explain the situation to my children who overheard the conversation, it brought a smile to my face to be able to tell them that Steve knows Jesus and that, even though it's hard to understand why God would take a Mommy or a Daddy away from their kids, it's good that he knows and has a real and deep relationship with the Lord. Though my heart aches for him and his family, it also rejoices in knowing the legacy of fatherhood he is leaving with his children as he has raised his kids in faith and the knowledge of God.

Burned Out on a King's Birth

It's not a secret to anyone that I don't like Christmas. When I was younger, I couldn't WAIT for the holiday...the surprises, the presents, the trees, the egg nog. I loved it. But somewhere in the time between 7 years old and 31, I began to literally HATE Christmas.

You may wonder why I am bringing this up now. It's October. And this is my point, exactly!

I went to Target the other day to look at potential costumes for my kids for Halloween. I strolled with a childlike grin on my face through two aisles of everything from Wonder Woman and pirates to ghosts and pilots. As I rounded the corner of the aisle to make my way to the next, it's as if time stood still for me and every sound of crying kids and intercom blips went silent.

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!!!

If I could have dramatically fainted or screamed an awe-inspiring shriek at the time, I would have. But instead, my mouth slightly dropped open, I rolled my eyes like a 12 year old girl and whispered to myself "Here....we......go!" Christmas, in October, is already being shoved in our faces. The snowmen, the lights, the trees, the ribbons and ornaments, the largely obnoxious Christmas countdown that ticks away at every moment of my sanity!

You see, it's not necessarily the fact that I don't like the holiday so much as it the culture we live in and how it buys into the idea that we are obligated to give each other gifts before we kneel at the side of the manger of a humble King. Kids become disgruntled at the lack of getting exactly what they wanted or not enough of what they really didn't need in the first place. Parents become stressed and further indebted in thinking that the more they put on a credit card, the happier their family will be to celebrate together.

There are a few Christmas songs that I REALLY love. O Holy Night and Silent Night are two of my all-time favorite Christmas songs. When the Christmas music comes on in the shopping malls and stores the day after Halloween, however, I become inclined to start to despise the songs. After I hear it roughly 237 times over the course of 70 days, performed by appromixately 31 different artists within 12 seperate generes, it gets a little old. I get burned out on it. And then I never want to listen to it again.

Unfortunately, this seems to be the same kind of process I go through with the story of Jesus' birth and the events surrounding it. Do I like to admit that I get burned out on it? No. But it's a truth. I would LOVE to have a "Christmas" message on the first day of Easter, or on Valentine's Day, or just ANY day in the middle of the year. I'd like to celebrate the birth of Jesus just because it gives so much meaning to my life, not just because it's the time of year to do it.

It's October. I want to be able to enjoy my appetizers of Halloween and Thanksgiving before I'm force-fed the buffet of Christmas! :)