The Beauty in Ugly

When the New Year rolled around, I did what we all do and I made a few resolutions for myself. Quite shocking to even myself, I have managed to stay up with most of them. That's a proud thing for me, beings I normally break them within the first 24 hours and convince myself they are dumb and worthless goals.

This year, one of my resolutions was authenticity in my relationships. I tend to be a people pleaser and I don't like to cause ripples and conflict. In fact, I generally will flee completely from conflict. But I have found it to be an absolutely refreshing thing to be in the presence of friends who are authentic. As Christians, we have an inclination to avoid truth when it involves a struggle with sin. But avoiding truth is embracing a lie and that, in and of itself, is also a sin.

This weekend I was able to spend much of the time with authentic friends. My good friend, Joy, stayed at our house from Thursday through Sunday with her son while she was in town promoting Maranatha Bible Camp. We enjoyed so much of that time together as we just laid things out on the table, our sins, our struggles, our REAL selves and we were able to pray together and encourage each other in Christian truth. There are few friends I have that have made me feel I can be as real I want to be with them as Joy does. She loves my ugly side, my ugly sins, my ugly inclinations, and helps me be a better person through support and prayer and honesty. There is no way to ever fully know the value of having a friend like that.

Additionally, we were able to spend some time with our friends, Pete and Denise. Their friendship is an absolute refreshment to our lives as they are fun, encouraging and as real as it gets. I cherish people who are real and willing to be weak and honest and vulnerable. It allows walls to slowly come down and real issues to be addressed and cared for by fellow believers in Christ.

I heard a quote this weekend that was two people talking about addictions and it hit home for me. Though I don't "feel" like I'm addicted to anything in particular that would require counseling and an anonymous group, I do know that I have a very addictive personality and there are things in my life that I need to let go of. The quote I heard was something like this:

"The need you have...it's like a thousand hiding voices, whispering 'This is YOU', and you fight the pressure, the growing need arising like a wave, rippling and teasing and prodding to be fed. But the whispering gets louder, until it's screaming 'NOW!!!' And it's the only voice you hear. And it's the only voice you WANT to hear, and you belong to it, this shadowed self...this dark passenger."

When I first heard that, I thought how TRUE it is. And the darkness of our sinful lives can't ever be turned around until we throw the dark passengers out of the seat and shine the light of change on the shadowed self we feel we belong to. This weekend was a good shove in the right direction, to be more authentic with my closest of friends who can keep me accountable to remember to find the beauty in the ugly me.