I'm bored with titles...

From the time I can remember, I have always had a pen and paper either in hand or nearby. I have an obsession with pens and journals. It is a joke in my family to randomly ask, "Hey, Mom, do you have a pen?" because they know the answer will never be "No". And if it is, I may as well be dead. Writing, to me, is my breath, my lifeline. My lifelong dream, apart from being a professional golfer or forensic psychologist, has always been to write for a living.

A couple of years back, I had a conversation with a guy I know who works with a publishing company. I shared this dream of mine with him in a casual conversation. Casual to him, at least. He casually asked, "What do you want to write about?" And from that point on, I realized that my dream to write a book or to be a columnist or to write for a magazine was more than likely never going to happen. Why? Because I didn't know how to answer his question. Because I have no idea how to write with any kind of continuity or reason.

I get bored writing about the same things. I can't maintain the same train of thought with any amount of stamina. I can't even keep a steady thought in my own head for more than 7 seconds, let alone long enough to write one down and attempt to have it make sense to anyone else. And for the most part, I really have no idea what I'm talking about. I probably have close to 12 unfinished journals that have 20 pages written in, at most, because I even get bored writing about my own life.

I'm tired of talking about my healthy life transformation experiences.

I'm bored with writing about VBS on Day 3.

I've already moved on to wanting to write about something else from the beginning of this blog post.

Most times, I see myself as Jack Nickelson in The Shining...a slow downward slope into insanity at the hands of a keyboard (or typewriter) and the depths of my mind. The idea of me chasing Paul around our house with an axe and chopping down the door to make a crazy face through the drywall isn't something I necessarily dream about, but I often get to that point of crazy which is easily attained.

I don't know how to change this about me. And even so, I don't even know if it's something I need to change. For the most part, I do it as therapy only for myself, a way to process my thoughts and experiences in my own way. One of these days, I hope to stay still long enough to be able to write about something of actual value. But until then, those of you who read this will have to deal with my spontaneity and randomness. I'll figure it out at some point. You never know...I may end up being a professional golfer who writes for the local police department on the behavioral patterns of criminals...