Still an unconquered habit ....

Do you ever do things you know in your mind are bad for you, but you do them anyway? Are there times when you know you should say "no" to something, but you say "yes" anyway? Surely I am not the only one in the world that, from time to time, indulges myself a little bit.

Tonight, I did just that.......

Ladies and gents, I present to you my failure of the day.....

There are two very strong weaknesses I have that I'm not proud of: fast food and drinking pop. Both, I "gave up" this year in an attempt to live a healthier lifestyle and start a life of discipline that I was desperately lacking. And while I'm proud to say that I have kept to that commitment for the most part, only faltering once or twice in one of my most desperate moments, tonight my strength failed me.

Here's why.

Last night, as a treat for finishing some work on a gate in our backyard, Paul took the kids and I to McDonalds for a treat. Well, since I couldn't have a treat and he knows that McDonalds Coke is my all time favorite pop, he allowed me to give in and have the treat of a large Coke. No matter how much I stay away from it, my craving for it never goes away. No matter how healthy I choose to eat, I still dream about a cold Coke on a hot day. So, last night, it was more than just a treat for me. It was an allowed indulgence. And at a perfect time.

But here's where the bad part comes in for me. This is the reason I have to stay completely away from it. No dabbling. No celebrating my discipline victory each week. No, no, no. You see, I am an all-or-nothing person. I don't know how to tell myself "just a little". When I've tasted something good, I don't know how to tell myself "hold off, sister!" So my only solution is to completely rid myself of the temptation. Tonight...I caved when I first of all said "yes" to taking my kids to eat there. I don't like going there much for the food and I don't necessarily like the fact that my kids eat the food from there. I know it's not good and holds no nutritional value. But they like it from time to time and I said yes. I should have known what awaited me....

After ordering and being somewhat strong (in decision, not in my mind), the person taking my order asked if I would like to add a large Coke for "just a dollar".

"Yes, Satan"......

No, I didn't say that. But I thought it. Because my mind was already tempted, my decision to compromise was not much of a decision at all. It was probably the quickest "yes" I've ever said in my life. And now as I write this blog, waiting for Paul to come home so I can confess my shame, I am drinking the Coke with each guilty sip, not even able to drink half of my bad decision.

It's amazing how quickly I can falter when my mind isn't made up and strong before going into a challenge. That's what I've found in every single area of my life. In my faith, in my lifestyle, in the intentionality of my days....being prepared to make tough decisions and to tell myself NO to something I really want starts in the mind and carries itself through action. If the mind is ambiguous, the jaded results will follow. It happens all the time.

"First, we form habits. Then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you." 
 ~ Rob Gilbert