It seems that anytime I post with something new or different I am attempting to try, I am always flooded with this overwhelming sense of embarrassment. I suppose it's one thing to actually have my own fears and dislikes, but to actually write them out, publish them and make them known to others can be a bit scary to me. Once written down, I recognize how childish a lot of my issues are. Yet at the same time, it also helps me process them on another level that has never made sense to me.
Every year when VBS (Vacation Bible School) rolls around for me and the kids, my stomach churns. In years past, it used to be a nice break for me, the one week of the summer that I actually had some free time to get things done without the constant-ness of the kids. I love my babies, but the break was always a welcome reprieve. Every now and then, I would take part in VBS, taking photos or taking cookies for the kids. But somehow, I've always managed to get out of being an actual group leader.
There is a part of me (a very big part of me) that simply doesn't feel equipped to handle a group of kids. I have a hard enough time managing my own two, let alone more. And I have not always been the best at planning and follow through when it comes to lesson plans and schedules. Aside from those two totally legitimate excuses, I don't have the ability within myself to effectively deal with the kids whose personalities clash with mine or those of other kids in a group. But I've tried to lay aside all my silly excuses and fears this year and open myself up to a different perspective and experience with VBS, even if it's one that takes me completely out of my own personal comfort zone.
This all brings me to Day one of me being a table leader at Vacation Bible School. I'm happy to announce that I walked into the day having fully reviewed all teaching material necessary. I learned all the kids' names in my group (all six of them) and, with the exception of one child, the kids are very well behaved and engaged in what we're talking about. I tend to get a little bit sidetracked at times during the lesson, only because I seem to disagree sometimes with the way our kids are being taught. Not that it's necessarily wrong, but just....incomplete.
Let me try to explain what I mean. Today we focused on Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." As a group, we talked about how you can pray when you're in trouble and God will always be there. The leader spoke about two different circumstances during a storm where she prayed. One, that God would stop the hurricane waters from reaching their house and two, that God would protect them from a tornado. Both times, she prayed and God protected them. And I think that's a marvelous lesson to learn, but like I said, I just personally felt like there was much more to be discussed about that. And this opportunity presented itself when we all met together at our respective tables afterwards.
There are many times as Christian people, we pray with faith, but God doesn't answer our prayers in the way we want or something bad happens to us and we're left wondering if we're just bad Christians because we prayed but God didn't seem to hear. I didn't want to leave my table today with having them learn a verse and talking about praying to God when we're in trouble, and not complete it with an attempt at understanding that, just because we pray, it's not a guarantee for protection or saving us from anything bad happening in our lives. So, in that respect, I didn't necessarily follow the lesson plan because we spent more time talking about what it means to be a Christian even when our prayers aren't answered in the way we think they should be. We talked about how God has power over all things and that HIS story is often times way different than what ours is, but that He is accomplishing a perfect plan by using them. I was amazed how the kids changed from being silent and somewhat 'shallow' when I asked them "What are some things you are afraid of?" to being thoughtful and engaged when I asked "Have you ever prayed for something and it felt like God didn't answer your prayer or protect you from something scary?"
Probably took it a little too far with 4th graders, I'm sure, and and maybe it all went above their heads. But if there's one thing I've learned over the last several years, it's that these young kids aren't as innocent as we once thought and many of them are facing or have had to face or WILL have to face very deep issues in their lives and very young ages. And like all of us, they will be left with the question "God, where are you? Can't you hear me?" It's not about me teaching them how to recite a Bible verse so they can memorize it for a day and get a piece of candy or a prize, but it's about somehow burning that truth into their tiny, impressionable hearts so that, when that time comes, they will remember the Sovereign plan of God that none of us can understand but that all of us can trust.
So, day one is down and I'm not nearly as tired as I imagined I may be. I find myself even looking forward to seeing the pumpkins in my group tomorrow and hearing about how their days go the rest of today and if they remembered anything we talked about :) I took a picture with them and I, I wish I could share it here but don't feel like it would be appropriate since I don't have the parent's permission. Nonetheless, I'm happy to be a part of leading a group of kiddos this year. What a great opportunity!
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