As I Am

To be accepted by someone, especially when you don't deserve to be or have done nothing to merit their acceptance, is an incredibly humbling and empowering thing. To me, there are not many feelings that have the power to do both...empower and humble.

Grasping the concept of acceptance has always been a difficult one for me. As A Christian, I know the truth of acceptance in and by Christ, but if I'm honest with myself, it is a day by day, hour by hour struggle for me to take that truth in good faith and actually believe it applies to me. On any level. There isn't a day that goes by where I still don't wrestle with the feeling of never being "good enough" to be accepted. Especially "as I am".

The thing with salvation that I've been learning is that it's not something of my past. It's not a day set aside to remember when I gave control of my life to God. It is an every day surrender of the very core and essence of who I am, as I am. Not as others perceive me or even how I perceive myself, but exactly  as I am.

So today, I decided to permanently give myself a reminder of this truth, not just because I need the reminder of being accepted by God as I am but because I also need the reminder to offer the real sides of me to others in vulnerable acceptance for the sole purpose of bringing glory to God for where He has brought me.

One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, said in his book, Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging:

"In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others." 


God loves me in spite of everything I do. This is an unconditional love that NEVER fails, even when I fail to understand it or even accept it.

Not when I'm good enough
Not when I clean up my act
Not when I cross that line the thousandth time...

Your grace is more than enough to cover all my sins
You washed them away
You love me just the way I am. (Big Daddy Weave)

I know the maker of the storm and sunrise
He is both the lion and the lamb
He is strong enough to shake all earth and heaven
Yet meek enough to take me as I am (Nicole C. Mullen)

Even though they say You loved the world so much You shed Your blood; 
God, I feel I'm too messed up for love; 
They tell me come as I am; but I smell like smoke; 
My whole life is full of sin cause it's all I know; 
The Bible told me You died for my sins; 
If I believe in Christ to save me from the end; 
But I'm scared to ask You to save me; my heart's so evil; 
I've got thoughts just full of hatred; hurt from people; 
I thought that first I had to clean up my life; 
Now I'm here and I just gotta cling to the light; 
I'm ready to do it but, I pray You understand; 
My life is a mess, will You take me as I am? (Lecrae)


No matter my past you'll still take me as I am.