Death God's Way

I don't do death. Better said, I have just never been confronted with the fear and firsthand pain of death and, simply put, don't handle it well. My grandparents died before I knew them. I have never had a family member die. The people I have known that have passed have impacted me and certainly always catapult me into a few days of rethinking and re-evaluating life and my priorities. But it has never hit me to the point of absolute devastation.



A few days ago, our neighbor a few houses up succumbed to her battle with cancer. In the few times that I saw her, I felt so awkward around her, not because I didn't care or because I didn't want to know how she was doing, but I didn't want her to feel like I just feel "sorry" for her. While sympathy and condolence is obviously needed, I remember going through very difficult times in my own life and I just wanted to feel normal. No questions No awkward stare to see if I'm about to cry. Just a normal conversation.



If anything, the times I did see and talk to her, it shined light brightly on my inability to know how to properly relate to those faced with the looming possibility of death. It wasn't just cancer for her. She came home from the hospital with doctors who had thrown their hands to the air. She came home with the knowledge she was on borrowed time. She came home to die.



Even so, we have been praying for their family every day for the past few months. A few months ago, TJ was praying in the car before school with me and he commented, "Mom, I don't get it. People pray for people to be healed. When they die, they are healed. So why are people so sad when God answers their prayers?"



Whoa.



How do you answer that? How do you respond when your seven year old son has just given you more proper perspective than you could have ever hoped to teach him? Indeed, with my very limited experience with death close to me and with my guaranteed lack of a heavenly perspective and purpose, I tend to pray for healing on MY terms or how those close to them/us would want the prayer answered.



Today in the car when we prayed once again for the family, TJ simply said, "God, help Sarah* & David* be strong without their mom. Thank you for healing Barbara*. Please help her have fun with you in heaven when she's dancing with you."



Long pause in the car. I wipe away my presumptuous parenting skills and take a lesson from my son on seeing death God's way.



*names changed to protect privacy