Go ahead and dare me to do something right now. Ask me. Challenge me. Because right now, for one of the few times in my life when I feel compelled to do so, I will say NO...and not for any other reason other than the mere fact that it’s just the kind of mood I’m in.
I’m usually a YES person. Actually, it often seems more to my detriment than not. I have a difficult time telling people no for any reason. Perhaps it’s the eternal optimist that lives in me that, despite my greater judgment at most times, it’s not the best answer to give. Perhaps it’s my upbringing in being taught that all things are possible...so there’s always that smidge of possibility that I may be able to harness. Or perhaps it’s just my fear of rejection, my need to keep the calm, make people happy, to not stir the pot, avoid conflict and continue in my habitual nature of being a people pleaser....yeah, that sounds more like the real answer.
This personality flaw that so awesomely resides inside of me actually has a lot to do with my quest to live a healthier lifestyle. Believe it or not, I’ve had to say NO to A LOT of things that I have really wanted to say yes to. On the contrary, I must be honest and say that I have also said YES to many things I wished I would have said no to! Tonight, for example....the bowl of chocolate ice cream I just ate. Or last night when my talons visibly appeared when Paul tried to deny me a bite of an ice cream M&M cookie and he told me to snack on pineapple instead. My pupils must have visibly dialated at some point because he surrendered his hand and let me partake.
There’s an underlying theme here...saying yes to the things I need to say yes to, and no to the things I need to say no to. When I get in my ‘entitlement’ mentality (AKA, I’m premenstrual so I literally NEED to get my way or there will be blood....ummmm...wait....kinda a poor choice of threatening words there....yet true).
I lost my train of thought. For one, I grossed myself out in the previous paragraph. For another, my husband keeps making random comments that he expects me to respond to, despite his knowledge that I am trying to post on my blog....and now I have honestly lost COMPLETE direction on where I was going with this entire blog.
Great.
On another note, yesterday I went on a longer run than any of them that I did while ‘training’ for the half marathon. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Even more surprised to learn that Lincoln is much more hilly than I experience while in a car. I learned another thing while running for a longer period of time...I actually get to listen to more of my playlist I made.
(Side note: I told Paul to shush. Now he’s even breathing quietly....I feel bad).
My running playlist consists of a wide range of songs, all of which I had strategically put in place to PACE me as needed when I ran the half. I run to the beat. I can’t help it. Maybe it’s because I’m black. Maybe because I’m slightly OCD. Whatever the reason, it helps me out. Wanna know a few of my favorite songs to run to?
Background by Lecrae
Get Hot by Viktory
On the Floor by Jennifer Lopez
Go Hard by Lecrae
What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction
Charge Me Up by Jennifer Lopez (One of my FAVES!!!)
Mama Told Me Not To Come by Three Dog Night (from GI Jane soundtrack)
Boastin’ by Lecrae
Boyfriend by Justin Bieber (I’m not too proud)
Today by Kirk Franklin (AMAZING song to run to & inspire me on my journey!!!)
Because of Your Love by Phil Wickham
Favorite Song by Colbie Caillat
We Are Young by Fun
Think Good Thoughts by Colbie Caillat
The bottom line with this entire blog is this: I’m learning to say NO and YES to the appropriate things. I’m learning to deny myself of things I convince myself I need and I’m finding more surprising satisfaction in exercising a bit of self-discipline. And while I’m finding this balance on a daily basis, and re-defining it after I screw up while I learn more and more about myself, I’m finding a tremendous amount of motivation to continue to live with more intentionality...not because it’s just a fun little goal for me to pursue, but because I have become profoundly convicted that it is what Christ requires of me. I’m throwing off my apathetic side. And all of you who have responded to these blogs or encouraged me along the way are making a huge difference in my ability to do so.
So, for that, I suppose I should end by saying once more ~ THANK YOU!
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